Before they made their commitment to one another, they were convinced that unlike others they knew, their marriage would be one of deep connection and trust.
What they didn’t count on was how much the daily grind would push them over the edge in their comfort with one another.
His resolve when he married was to protect her at all costs from anything that would turn her world upside down.
Her resolve was that she would encourage and reassure him that he was the man of her dreams and that she would stand with him through thick and thin.
What they didn’t count on was their individual resolves of protecting and supporting one another would dissolve into secretive and enabling behaviors as they attempted to protect one another from what each perceived would harm or offend the other.
The lack of communication in marriages is a dangerous, slippery slope. Standing together on the top of the mountain of life, hope, and dreams, most couples are rarely prepared for the flood of emotions that each will experience when the stress of daily living quietly steals their peace of mind.
Making assumptions about what the other person is thinking is the first mistake. The ground gives way as tears start to fall. The pressures from work, paying bills and juggling crowded schedules is piling up faster than they imagined.
… And then the babies come …
He presses into work harder and harder in order to pay the bills and unlike the family of days gone by, she too, must work to help make ends meet. However, her Mother’s heart is agonizing over the loss of precious moments with her baby because the only way for both of them to work is to turn their children over to strangers in a daycare to watch them while Mommy and Daddy work to pay the ever growing mound of bills.
For some couples, paying a Daycare doesn’t make financial sense, so Mom stays home and gives up her dreams of finishing school or the career that she was preparing for. Her baby is consuming her time now, and even though she couldn’t imagine life without Jr., she is feeling exhausted beyond anything she’s ever experienced before.
The ground beneath their feet gives way and both begin to slide down towards a life lived by many before them. One of false assumptions, unmet needs, anxiety, fears, accusations, self-medication and declining health.
Bravely, they try to be strong for the other person but their own emotions rage as they struggle under the heavy, slippery burdens of outside demands. Their family is quickly moving into chaotic, mindless living filled with blame, shame, suspicions, and accusations.
Is this true for all families? Not necessary, and yet perhaps – to one degree or another. We cannot live in this world without getting a bit muddy from it!
The shaming and blaming are human reactions to deflect that which is threatening our own lives. We do it without thinking. Some of us were raised in families where shaming and blaming was a part of our culture in order to keep us “humble” and to “protect” the family name.
These pressures from the past, when left unresolved, will continue to fester and infect our lives with emotional poisons that will eventually affect our health too. Our children will bear the same burden we bore as our parents struggled before us. This is the way of the world in which we live.
When we live life unconsciously, not taking care of the massive load that stresses place upon us, then we are crushed and remain in a negative state of thinking, being and feeling.
The evening news is saturated with fearful images and stories. The workers in our workplaces talk about bitter politics in business and in government. Never mind the drive home in massive traffic filled with distracted, angry drivers!
Negativity abounds, and more times than we like to admit, we will turn and point the finger at anyone else but ourselves to the false gut-reaction of protecting our own sanity. Our spouses are the nearest to us and at the greatest risk of feeling our wrath and frustrations. The children are next. Perhaps the children are first because they are the most vulnerable.
This is not living!
Not one of us can move this massive mountain of negativity without the assistance of others. Many times, those issues that are triggering us most are not new triggers, but old triggers from our past. Toxic beliefs and twisted perceptions are from existing pain that has festered under the surface of our thinking and feeling.
Before stress takes a final toll on your health, mental clarity, emotional wellness, and relationships, begin taking steps towards addressing these issues.
Call us to set an appointment so that we can put together the most effective strategies towards healing YOU.
It is impossible to fix the problems in others until you first fix you. When you are healthy, and clear headed, you will discover that the chaos that has been suffocating you is no longer present. Your decisions and reactions are more decisive and intentional, instead of reactive.
Protecting your health, body, soul and spirit BEFORE disease, mental illness and anxiety consume you is an investment in a healthier, happier future.
If life has already hit you hard, DO SOMETHING to stop it from robbing you of what you have left. Begin with therapeutic sessions in the Life Vessel to balance your autonomic nervous system and to relax your mind and body.
As you regain your strength and energy, you can take the next step towards whole health and living.
Your spouse will thank you … Your children will thank you. Life is meant to be lived the way you first dreamed that it would be. Live it fully and intelligently!